Best Jennifer Coolidge Quotes

Jennifer Coolidge, a versatile American actress and comedian, is celebrated for her witty and memorable quotes. Known for her roles in comedies like “Legally Blonde” and “American Pie,” Coolidge’s humor shines through lines like, “I’m not good at relationships, but I’m good at a lot of other things,” showcasing her candid and self-aware comedic style. Her humorous take on life is evident in statements like, “I was never a girl who dreamt about what her wedding day would be like, but I’ve always dreamt about decorating my baby’s nursery.” Coolidge’s quotes reflect her unique comedic charm and contribute to her popularity in the entertainment world.

Jennifer Coolidge Quotes

I’m not good-looking. I used to be, but not anymore. Not like Robert Redford. When I was an infant, I was gorgeous. Cute, gorgeous, and tiny. Now I’m older and I look like a character actress.

I really do like the sound of my voice. I’m not that into myself, but if I had to pick one thing, I’d probably pick my voice.

I do get a lot of roles where they want me to be really still and deliver lines while sitting in a chair. I feel like sometimes people don’t really understand my body because I’m a bigger person. I move differently. I’m proud of my body.

I’m never doing a commercial if they ask me to lose weight. I don’t want to be on a diet and not enjoy life. I’m like, ‘Oh my God, I’m 140. I need to go on a diet.’ I don’t want to be that girl.

I think the funniest people are the ones who went through a lot of pain as kids and always had to make fun of their circumstances.

I once had a cat who saved my life. He was the one who woke me up when the house was on fire. That’s right, I said ‘once had’.

People say you can’t live without love, but I think oxygen is more important.

I’m on that new diet where you eat everything and hope for a miracle.

I went on a diet for two weeks, and all I lost was 14 days.

I’m not good at being a ‘celebrity.’ I’m not mysterious. You see all the warts and the dents.


I have a dog named Gary. He’s a sweet dog. He’s my sweet little companion. He’s actually a cat, but we don’t tell him that.

I’m not a foodie. I eat because I have to. I’m one of those people who can eat like a bird and gain weight. I just look at food, and I gain a pound.

If I ever go missing, I would like my photo on a wine bottle instead of a milk carton. This way, my friends will know I’m missing..

I’m not a fitness guru. The only exercise I get is running late.

My personal trainer told me I need to exercise early in the morning. So, I set my alarm for 10 am.

I’m not saying I’m Wonder Woman; I’m just saying no one has ever seen me and Wonder Woman in the same room together.

I’m at that age where my mind still thinks I’m 29, my humor suggests I’m 12, while my body mostly keeps asking if I’m sure I’m not dead yet.

I used to be a people person, but people ruined that for me.

I love my computer because all my friends live inside it.

I don’t need an inspirational quote. I need coffee.

I don’t have a bad handwriting; I have my font.

I don’t have a dirty mind; I have a sexy imagination.

I’m not lazy; I’m just in energy-saving mode.

I don’t snore; I dream I’m a motorcycle.

I’m not arguing; I’m just explaining why I’m right.

I don’t make mistakes; I create new paths.

I’m not shy; I’m just observing my prey.

I don’t need anger management; I need people to stop irritating me.

I’m not short; I’m concentrated awesome.

I don’t need a hair stylist; my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

I’m not a morning person. I need coffee before I can even consider being a human.

I’m not lazy; I’m in energy-saving mode. It’s eco-friendly.

I’m not saying I’m a superhero, but have you ever seen me and Batman in the same room together?

I don’t need a personal trainer; I need someone to follow me around and slap unhealthy food out of my hands.

I’m not a chef; I just know how to press ‘start’ on the microwave really well.

I don’t believe in diets. I believe in chocolate, pizza, and the occasional salad to balance things out.

I’m not clumsy. The floor just hates me, the tables and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.

I don’t need an alarm clock. My ideas wake me up.

I’m not ignoring you; I’m just prioritizing my Netflix queue.

I’m not a shopaholic; I’m helping the economy.

Jennifer Coolidge Quotes in English

I don’t need a life coach; I need someone to follow me around and say, ‘You probably shouldn’t do that.’

I’m not old; I’m just retro.

I don’t snore; it’s my teddy bear that’s gasping for air.

I’m not a control freak; I just know exactly how things should be.

I don’t have a ‘smartphone’; I have a genius phone that occasionally needs me to correct its spelling.

I’m not addicted to social media; I’m just committed to my online relationships.

I don’t have a problem with caffeine; I have a problem without it.

I’m not forgetful; I just have a selective memory.

I’m not a procrastinator; I’m just waiting for the right moment to panic.

I don’t need a personal assistant; I need a life assistant.

I’m not disorganized; I live in organized chaos.

I don’t have a sweet tooth; I have sweet teeth.

I’m not a chef; I’m an artist with a microwave.

I don’t have a pet; I have a furry life coach.

I’m not a couch potato; I’m just in energy conservation mode.

I don’t have a crush; I have a highly classified mission.


I’m not a mind reader; I just have good intuition about when it’s time for snacks.

I don’t need a map; I have GPS, which stands for ‘Generally Pretty Stupid’ when it comes to finding my keys.

I’m not antisocial; I’m just selectively social.

I don’t have a fear of commitment; I have a fear of waking up and finding out I agreed to something.

I’m not indecisive; I just like to explore all my options extensively.

I’m not a magician; I just make reality disappear for a while with a good book.

I don’t need a personal chef; I need someone to follow me around and take the snacks away.

Jennifer Coolidge Best Lines

I’m not a morning person; I’m a ‘give me coffee and nobody gets hurt’ person.

I’m not a troublemaker; I just have a knack for finding trouble in every situation.

I don’t have a ‘resting face’; I have a ‘constantly contemplating snacks’ face.

I’m not avoiding responsibilities; I’m creating an opportunity for someone else to step up.

I’m not a night owl; I just enjoy burning the midnight oil and blaming it on the lack of daylight saving.

I’m not a pessimist; I’m an experienced optimist.

I’m not ignoring you; I’m just giving you time to miss me.

I don’t have a shopping addiction; I’m just helping the economy, one impulse buy at a time.

I’m not a procrastinator; I’m a master of ‘strategic delay.’

I’m not lazy; I’m in energy-efficient mode.

I don’t believe in Murphy’s Law; I believe in Sod’s Law, which is Murphy’s Law with a British accent.

I’m not a mind reader; I just have a talent for guessing remarkably accurately.

I don’t need a vacation; I need a new identity, a beach, and someone to bring me drinks.

I’m not a control freak; I just have a heightened sense of how things should be done correctly.

I’m not a comedian; I’m just a person who enjoys making life’s script more interesting.

I’m not forgetful; I’m just creating room for more memories.

I don’t need a personal shopper; I just need a personal ‘carry all my bags’ assistant.

I’m not a hoarder; I’m a collector of memories and things that might be useful someday.

I’m not clumsy; I’m just an expert at turning the floor into a personal dance stage.

I’m not a daydreamer; I’m a deep thinker with a colorful imagination.

I’m not a perfectionist; I just have high standards that most things fail to meet.

I’m not ignoring your text; I’m just considering my reply for an appropriate amount of time.

I’m not avoiding exercise; I’m giving my workout clothes a well-deserved rest.

I’m not a therapist; I just have a knack for offering unsolicited advice.

I’m not aging; I’m just increasing in value, like a fine wine or a vintage cheese.

I’m not a gossip; I’m a curator of interesting information.

I’m not a drama queen; I’m a drama enthusiast.

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