Matthew Perry, renowned for his role as Chandler Bing on “Friends,” shares wit and insight through memorable quotes. His humor shines in lines like, “I’m not good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” Perry’s candor about his own journey is reflected in, “The interesting thing about me is that I’m not particularly interesting.” Beyond sitcom fame, he imparts wisdom with, “You have to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage—pleasantly, smilingly, nonapologetically, to say ‘no’ to other things.” Perry’s quotes showcase a blend of humor and introspection, resonating with fans and admirers alike.
Matthew Perry Quotes
I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
It’s like all my life everyone’s always been able to do things I couldn’t do. Like, uh, like the way Ross can do this amazing Karate chop.
You hide my clothes, I’m wearing everything you own.
I’m not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
Could you close that window? We’re not trying to air condition the entire street.
I’m not stubborn, I’m just always right.
I’m not good at this. You know, comforting people. But, uh, there’s a woman at my office who’s a nurse. I could get you her number.
I’m not Chandler. I’m not a huge commitment-phobe who freaks out every time a relationship gets a little serious.
I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
Okay, you have to stop the Q-tip when there’s resistance!
Yes, I have a clue. It’s the lowest form of humor. It’s when you say something and the other person says, ‘I don’t get it.’
I make a lot of money, and I’m good-looking, and I got a rap.
I can handle this. ‘Handle’ is my middle name. Actually, ‘handle’ is the middle of my first name.
Well, it’s official. I’m going to die an old, never-been-kissed woman.
I’m not a doctor, but I play one on TV. Actually, I am a doctor.
I’m Chandler, could I be wearing any more clothes?
My wallet’s too small for my fifties, and my diamond shoes are too tight!
I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
I’m not great at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
All right, kids, I gotta get to work. If I don’t input those numbers, it doesn’t make much of a difference.
I am not Chandler. I go to the bathroom like a regular person.
You have to stop the Q-tip when there’s resistance!
It’s not that common, it doesn’t happen to every guy, and it IS a big deal!
It’s like a cow’s opinion. It doesn’t matter. It’s moo.
I’m not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
Well, what if I don’t want to be a shoe? What if I want to be a purse, you know, or a hat!
I’m not awkward. I’m situationally challenged.
You weren’t supposed to put beef in the trifle. It did not taste good.
If I’m gonna be an old, lonely man, I’m gonna need a thing, you know, a hook. Like that guy on the subway who eats his own face.
You know, I figure if I can survive my childhood, my marriage should be a piece of cake.
What’s not to like? Custard? Good. Jam? Good. Meat? Good!
Until I was 25, I thought the response to ‘I love you’ was ‘Oh, crap.’
I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
You know, I think it’s gonna be okay. I mean, you’re Chandler. Could this BE any more of a big deal.?
I’m hopeless and awkward and desperate for love!
Chandler, for the last time, I’m not gay. If you want me, you’re gonna have to go through my father.
You’re right, it’s never taken me this long to get over someone. But three marriages? That’s like, high school!
I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
You can’t just give up! Is that what a dinosaur would do?
Look at me! I’m Chandler! Could I BE wearing any more clothes?
You know, I read that you should never go to bed angry. Stay up and fight.
You’re right, I’m Chandler. I make jokes when I’m uncomfortable.
I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
I’m glad we’re having a rehearsal dinner. I rarely practice my meals before I eat.
It’s not that I don’t like it. It’s just that I’m not used to it. It’s like, uh, if someone gave you a menu and you ordered a steak and then the waiter brings you a fish.
I think Joey might be cheating at poker. He’s all ‘whoa, I got a royal flush,’ whatever.
Why would you throw a woman’s wooden leg in the fire, dude?!
I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
I’m not great at comforting people. ‘There, there’—that’s there. I do better with sarcasm.
You know, I think this is the first time I’ve seen the back of your head. It’s breathtaking.
Oh, I get it. This is one of those things where you keep saying the word and it gets less funny.
I can handle this. I handle it all the time. It’s just a trip down a slippery slope to emotional hell.
Matthew Perry Quotes in English
No, you weren’t supposed to put beef in the trifle. It did not taste good.
You don’t have to get me a new one. Why don’t you just go grab the erasable marker?
You know, on second thought, gum would be perfection. ‘Gum would be perfection’? Gum would be perfection.
Don’t you see? This is all a moo point. It’s like a cow’s opinion. It just doesn’t matter. It’s moo.
You’ve got to do something about that, that noise. It’s like a, like a foghorn. You know, it’s like a foghorn.
Hey, you know, I have had it with you guys and your ‘cancer’ and your ‘emphysema’ and your ‘heart disease.’ The bottom line is smoking is cool and you know it!
I’m hopeless and awkward and desperate for love!
I have to say I’m having a great time. You know, usually, I sit at home, listen to my roommate’s weird Sarah Vaughan records, and just wish that someday I’ll be able to join the world.
I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
I can’t do this anymore. I can’t take this shot anymore. Just take the shot. I can’t take the shot.
We were on a break! We were on a break!
Look at me! I’m Chandler! Could I BE wearing any more clothes?
If I were a guy and… did I just say, ‘if I were a guy’? I am a guy.
Well, aren’t you sweet, getting all worried about me? You’re just like my friend Rachel. You know, she’s always like, ‘Oh no, what about your feelings?’ and ‘Blah, blah, blah.’
I’m not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
No, no, no, this is not that kind of book. It’s ‘Moby Dick.’
Chandler, you know you can’t fix a computer just by typing on it, right?
I’m not great at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
Could I BE any more sorry?
You know, I once threw a girl’s wooden leg into a fire.
I make tons of money, I have a great job, I am a good-looking guy, and I got a pal who has the exact same qualities. So, why is it that I, Chandler Bing, am totally, totally, totally without a significant other?
Oh, I’m not saying I just wanna get married, have 2.5 kids, you know, live in a split-level in the suburbs, and drive a Volvo. I’m saying I wanna get married and have 2.5 kids and live in a split-level in the suburbs and drive a Volvo.
What am I doing? I’m turning into Ross before my very eyes. I’m getting married and I’m not even drunk.
You can’t say marriage is a bad thing. I mean, look at you and Monica. You guys seem so happy. You make me sick.
I’m doing the opposite of okay. I’m doing the… a… kay.
I can handle this. I can handle this. ‘Handle’ is my middle name. Actually, it’s the middle of my first name.
I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
You know, you’re not supposed to go to the bathroom with the door open when I’m home.
I’m not the only one who has someone to share their life with. You have someone to share your life with. I have… a futon.
You’ve got to do it, man. This is it. It’s like, you know, all of my life everyone has always been able to do something I couldn’t do, you know, and I just want to be able to do something, you know, that the others can’t do.
You know, I can’t believe it. I’m 30 years old and I’m back at my parents’ house. I mean, how could you let this happen to me?
Can open, worms everywhere!
And I thought nothing could beat Joey’s ‘man’s arm’ bit. I was wrong.
I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
Alright, alright, if you promise not to ever use that word again, I’ll be your boyfriend.
It’s the 90s. It’s Hammer time!
I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
Y’know, I was thinking of taking up smoking. Is that a good way to quit?
I don’t like it when people take food off of my plate, okay?
It’s like a clown car. Stuff just keeps coming out!
Oh, come on! I mean, how many cameras are on you?
I’m not good at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
You can’t fire me. I make your decisions and I say I’m not fired.
I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
I can handle this. ‘Handle’ is my middle name. Well, actually, it’s the middle of my first name.
This is all a moo point. It’s like a cow’s opinion. It just doesn’t matter. It’s moo.
You can’t just give up! Is that what a dinosaur would do?
I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
I’m Chandler, could I BE wearing any more clothes?
